“Naive Christians, the kind who want to freely release the goodness within them and trust their hearts to lead them aright, do not want to enter the battle raging in their souls. They have no appetite for identifying and destroying the enemy. Spiritual warfare, they hope, will involve only light skirmishes, never a fight-till-someone-dies conflict.” Larry Crabb, Connecting

One of the disciplines encouraged during Lent is confession, confession of who we really are in order to find Christ.  We learn to embrace the truth about ourselves so we can find the Truth and Life.  According to several dictionaries, three words capture the meaning of confession: acknowledgement (owning to something), admission (allowing access), and avowal (an open statement of affirmation).  Confession is owning what’s true about ourselves, allowing the reality of who we are to have access to our minds, and making an unpretentious declaration of that reality.  In summary, confession is speaking the truth about who I am to God, others, and myself.

Often confession is defined as a narrow, humiliating duty.  We usually think of it only as admitting sin or conceding to some flaw or weakness in our personality.  It’s strong medicine we take only if we have to.  But, according to our definition, confession is speaking the truth about myself, and that includes positive truth.  It’s honesty about my bad, yes, but it’s also honesty about my good.  And we have more of a problem admitting positive truth about ourselves than we think.

A large amount of people struggle with pessimism, and pessimism is not a truthful confession.  According to Dr. William Backus, depression comes much more readily to pessimists, they accomplish fewer of their daily tasks, they have more health problems as they age, and life isn’t as pleasurable to them as it is for optimists.  Truth works, lies don’t.  Pessimists skew reality and that hurts them.

Optimists aren’t naïve, superficial, positive-thinking people.  A healthy optimist isn’t blind to the facts or a reality denier, but understands that something good stands behind all of the bad we see, and that good will prevail.  For the Christian, of course, that good is Christ.  Because of this, optimists see that any hardships they experience are only temporary setbacks, and not the result of some universal, persistent, all powerful force that is against them (i.e., bad luck, bad karma, bad fortune, etc.).

Interestingly, optimists and pessimists reverse roles when it comes to positive events.  Optimists see  positive things happening in thier life as normal – an abiding, constant, and expected outcome – whereas pessimists attribute positive events to transitory or accidental causes.  In other words, optimists expect good and see bad as temporary.  Pessimists expect bad and see good as temporary.

Confession is speaking the truth about who I am.  I am someone who is loved by a faithful God who only has thoughts of good for me, and is leading me to a hopeful future (Jer. 29:11).  During Lent, as we focus on what needs to change in our lives to be more fully Christian, don’t forget that confession isn’t just about admitting our faults, but also affirming the positive and hopeful aspects of our lives.

David Fitch, in a recent interview, made this statement regarding the mission of the Church:

“…the church is the epistemological foundation for doing ministry in the world.”

Yes, yes, and YES!

Sorry, got a little excited there.

Each year our community has a retreat where we spend even more time (than usual) with each other having fun and developing our relationships. We skied, sledded, watched movies, played games, and, of course, had meetings.  The theme for this year was “Real Not Ideal.”  We started off the weekend by watching, An Ideal Husband which seemed an appropriate choice for our theme.

In our meetings we talked about how image today has become more important than substance.  For example, actors and actresses prepare for hours with makeup and styling for a single scene in a movie.  The viewer is given the impression, however, that these sharply looking people effortlessly appear with perfect hair and beautiful skin tones in even the most mundane of circumstances.  A reality is painted for us that is touched up.  We get so scripted into an image ethic that the normal almost seems vulgar to us.  Real people with real blemishes are revolting.

This addiction to a perfection veneer extends beyond physical appearance.  We want people to be perfect at everything.  We want perfect conversationalists, perfect humanitarians, perfect organizers, perfect teachers, perfect brothers, perfect mothers, perfect sons, and perfect friends.  We expect the ideal, and when we encounter the real we are disappointed and even outraged.  And the search for community can fall victim to the same disease.  We look for the ideal community, bothered that real people who make up the community are hindering the quest.

But an “ideal community” is an oxymoron.  Community is about real people loving real people.  It is a communion of people who make a home with each another.  It’s not about rallying around a purpose or an ideal, but choosing one another as our great pursuit in life.  Jean Vanier says:

“Commitment in a community is not primarily something active, like joining a political party or trade union. Those need militants who give their time and energy and are ready to fight. A Community is something quite different. It is the recognition by its members that they have been called by God to live together, love each other, pray and work together in response to the cry of the poor. And that comes first at the level of being rather than of doing. To accept being rooted in a community is more or less preceded by a recognition that you are already ‘at home’, that you are part of its body. It is rather similar to marriage; couples recognize that something has been born between them and that they are made for each other. It is only then that they are ready to commit themselves to marriage and remain faithful to each other.

So in community everything starts with this recognition of being in communion one with another; we are made to be together. You wake up one morning knowing that the bonds have been woven; and then you make the active decision to commit yourself and promise faithfulness, which the community must confirm.”

The second point in our membership covenant says that we must have “an assurance of being called to this body.” We don’t join our fellowship because it is the logical next thing to do in our Christian journey. We commit to these particular people because we believe that it is a personal mandate of God to do so. By affirming this point, everyone understands that God is the mediator of our relationships and our vow is to Him as much as it is to each other.

As an exercise in these truths, we each took turns recalling how individually we came to believe that God has called us to this body. It was inspiring hearing the different and unique stories of God’s guidance.

In our next session, “Living with Real People,” we focused on identifying the misbeliefs that cause problems in our relationships. Turning again to Jean Vanier we read this quote from Brokenness to Community:

“Community means caring: caring for people. Dietrich Bonhoeffer says: ‘He who loves community destroys community; he who loves the brethren builds community.’ A community is not an abstract ideal. We are not striving for perfect community. Community is not an ideal; it is people. It is you and I. In community we are called to love people just as they are with their wounds and their gifts, not as we would want them to be. Community means giving them space, helping them to grow. It means also receiving from them so that we too can grow. It is giving each other freedom; it is giving each other trust; it is confirming but also challenging each other. We give dignity to each other by the way we listen to each other, in a spirit of trust and of dying to oneself so that the other may live, grow and give.”

Dr. William Backus, in Learning to Tell Myself the Truth, lists ten key misbeliefs that cause many of our problems. We each picked one of those misbeliefs that we struggle with and then shared with the group how that surfaces in our relationships. Next we talked about what truths help us defeat those misbeliefs. Some asked the group for advice on how to think more truthfully so they can overcome the lies that can cause so much grief.

For our last session, “Committing to Real People,” we started by reading Jean Vanier again:

“Community life implies a personal commitment which is made real in meetings between people. But we are very quick to flee from these meetings. They frighten us, just because they commit us. We flee into administration, law, rules, the search for ‘objective truth’; we flee into work and activity. We flee from meeting people; we would rather do things for them. But if we are to love, we have to meet.”

For our exercise each member expressed their commitment to one another by reciting this vow:

“(Name), before God and this body I commit to you, and I want you to know (each person filling in their own promise or expression of love).

Someone shared that this exercise was like being before a firing squad of kindness. It took all morning for each person to share with each person. That’s a lot of permutations! It was incredibly edifying and moving to hear the commitment and love expressed by each one.

Our retreats are a highlight for us and we’re grateful that God has provided a way for us to have them. Community takes work, but that work can be really fun.

“The greatest need in modern civilization is the development of communities – true communities where the heart of God is home, where the humble and wise learn to shepherd those on the path behind them, where trusting strugglers lock arms with othes as together they journey on.”  Larry Crabb, Connecting

What Christian community is and should look like has been the subject of countless blogs, books, small group discussions and sermons.   As a member of a fellowship living in intentional Christian community, I have often found the input from the wider conversation on community beneficial for the growth and development of our group. 

One book that I have found to be particularly helpful is Larry Crabb’s The Safest Place on Earth.  In his book, Larry presents a vision of the church as a safe community wherein we are able to own our brokenness. In doing so, we will provide the safety others need to own their brokenness also.  If this is not our experience he observes, “Community will be a competitive, demanding place where we feel the pressure to demonstrate that God has done more work in our lives than He has.” He goes on to say that also, “We might put a pseudo-brokenness on display and seize every opportunity to reveal our emotional struggles, demanding,…that others see our pain and take care of us (pg.37).”   Larry concludes that if we are not able to own our brokenness, we become a community that is unable to reflect the giving life of the Trinity because we are too caught up with either hiding or parading our problems.  This is one key difference between what he calls spiritual community and unspiritual community.

When I have attempted to hide or parade my problems,  my relationships became either distant or strained.  The pressure to be perfect, or the demand that others feel my pain and comfort me, carry the seeds of destruction for any mutual relationship.  On the other hand, embracing my humanity (brokenness) has proved to be the springboard to authenticity and intimacy in my relationships. Living in the light of who I really am before God and my fellow man is the ground from which trust, and mutual sharing thrives.

Larry makes a second important distinction between spiritual and unspiritual community, and that is in the way conflict is handled.  More on that in another post.

“…cut free from any sense of community, we are miserable and lonely as well as rude.  This is an age of social autism, in which people just can’t see the value of imagining their impact on others, and in which responsibility is always convieniently laid at other people’s doors.  People are trapped in a kind of blind, brute state of materialism.” – Lynne Truss

Normally, I don’t find much value in Saturday Night Live, but this skit is just brilliant.

There is a lot of buzz today about being missional.  In fact, according to Bill Kinnon missional is “the Western Church word of the moment.”  A whole debate is raging about the merits of missional versus  attractional models.  The missional movement started out as a way to change the conversation about what the Church is and how to reflect the Trinitarian outreach of God (Missio Dei).  But, according to Kinnon and others, “missional” has become overused and wrongly used and now many are trying to reorient its use towards the original intention.

This discussion is a game changer and is stirring a lot of enthusiasm and getting people to ask important questions.  Interest in community and contextualizing into our neighborhoods is high.  I recently attended a “non-conference” in Fort Wayne where these issues were discussed.  It was an edifying time and I enjoyed meeting many wonderful people.  One of the tensions in this discussion centered around the idea of community versus society.

Many are recognizing the need to embody Christianity in a significant way that enables us to be witnesses and not just peddlers of a message.  “Church as usual” isn’t cutting it.  We want to participate in God’s out-flowing love and missionary character.  Purpose is taking a center stage as the reason for community.  It’s been put this way: Rather than, “The Community for Me,” it should be, “Me for the Community and the Community for the world.”

On the surface this looks awesome.  How can you argue with the idea of reflecting the generous out-flowing nature of God?  Of course, this should be our orientation – it’s the message of Christianity.  But the danger exists in making purpose superior to people.  The Scottish philosopher, John Macmurray, has some enlightening things to say about this, which he explains by differentiating community and society.

“Any community of persons, as distinct from a mere society, is a group of individuals united in a common life, the motivation of which is positive. Like a society, a community is a group which acts together; but unlike a mere society its members are in communion with one another; they constitute a fellowship. A society whose members act together without forming a fellowship can only be constituted by a common purpose. They cooperate to achieve a purpose which each of them, in his own interest, desires to achieve, and which can only be achieved by co-operation. The relations of its members are functional; each plays his allotted part in the achievement of the common end. The society then has an organic form: it is an organization of functions; and each member is a function of the group. A community, however, is a unity of persons as persons. It cannot be defined in functional terms, by relation to a common purpose. It is not organic in structure, and cannot be constituted or maintained by organization, but only by the motives which sustain the personal relations of its members. It is constituted and maintained by a mutual affection. ” (emphasis mine)

In a society your importance is related to the end for which the group exists.  But in community, which cannot be defined in functional terms (“What do you guys do?”), people are the end.  We don’t think of a marriage as having to have a purpose.  In fact, if a couple says they are getting married to achieve some purpose, like starting a business, we would raise an eyebrow or two.  The partners and their love for each other is its own justification.

So, in our missional zeal to keep from being ingrown, which I would argue only happens when we are not truly committed to community, we are in danger of devaluing people.  Our witness to the world is a witness of love (John 13:35; 17:21).  Only as we commit to one another for the long-term because of our affection for one another do we embody the kind of community that is truly missional – one that reflects the communion of the Trinity.

Jared and Heidi are now the proud parents of Luke Anthony Barton.  Luke arrived at 6 pounds 9 ounces and 19 3/4 inches on November 30, 2008.  Luke is an answer to many prayers.  Jared and Heidi have been seeking to adopt for quite a while.  The community has been in intense prayer for the Bartons and the adoption.  There are numerous stories of God’s faithfulness through this whole process.  Jared and Heidi and the community are just beaming with joy!