If you find the horror genre fascinating then this blog post is for you. I am about to reveal the secrets for creating your own ghoulish drama, all from the comfort of your own life. This fiendish formula works if you personally want to experience terrifying chills and thrills or if you wish to visit a nightmare on others. It’s simple, legal, widely accepted and doesn’t require the use of graveyards, blood, or fake vampire teeth. It can be used in almost any circumstance, with any type of person, and with little effort. The two ingredients for this dark potion is responsibility and authority, and to release the hideous effect just mix in unequal amounts.

Ingredients
Firstly, let’s acquaint ourselves with the ingredients. Responsibility is the obligation to act (or not act) to ensure the welfare of a person, place, or thing. Authority is the right and ability to bring about that welfare. Responsibility says you should do something and authority enables you to do something. When mixed in with equal portions the outcome is beneficial and promotes the health and happiness of all concerned. But when combined unequally, the resulting elixir is poisonous and gives life to an ugly monster.

Examples
To have the responsibility for something, but not the right or power to carry out that responsibility is a hellish nightmare. For example, a teacher who is responsible to educate her students, but cannot give homework assignments or discipline an unruly student, is doomed to a life of grief. She will be held accountable for the failing grades of her students, but she lacks the authority necessary to direct the students in a meaningful way that would lead to their academic success. In this case a large measure of responsibility has been mixed in with a small dose of authority. The result of this concoction? A nightmare for the teacher.

But imagine another scenario. Suppose a referee at a football game can call a foul regardless of whether the play actually violates the rules of the game. Additionally, he can’t be fired for any call he makes. In this case there is nothing stopping him from placing a bet on the game and shaping his penalty calls to favor the team he has put his money on. He can randomly make calls if he wishes, or make no calls at all. Perhaps, he is obligated to show up for the game, but he has no responsibility to ensure that the game is played fairly. Here we have a large amount of authority blended with a small dash of responsibility. This particular mixture will produce nightmares as well, but for others not the referee.

Magic Recipe
So, we have the magic recipe: if one wishes to experience a nightmare, make sure that you are in a circumstance where you have a greater amount of responsibility than you have authority. Alternatively, if you want to inflict nightmares on others, try to get into a situation where you have more authority than you have responsibility. It only takes adjusting the proportions one way or the other to direct the flow of terror.

On the other hand, if you hate nightmares and strongly desire to promote happiness and well-being in yourself and others, all you have to do is make sure that responsibility and authority are kept in balance. When accepting an assignment, be sure to clarify the expectations of the assignment and the resources available to you. If these don’t agree, then kindly decline the assignment. When giving an assignment to another, be sure to make explicit the desired result of the assignment and what means and capabilities are available to them for producing that result. By keeping responsibility and authority in balance you will produce a mixture that has a salutary effect on them and will increase their chance of success.

Summary
By misunderstanding human nature many inadvertently become evil alchemists. They create nightmare situations by mixing unequal portions of responsibility and authority in the assignments they give. Others live a torturous nightmare because they are accountable for things they cannot change. We were created to be happy and fruitful in life’s endeavors, but if care is not taken to balance responsibility and authority the chances of that grow dim, and instead we sink into a frightful dream.

Previously, I wrote about applying the TQM management philosophy to our personal growth and relationship development. In essence, this means seeing maturity as emerging from a process of acting, evaluating our successes and failures, and then making adjustments to improve our behavior as a result of the evaluation. This cycle of, “Doing, Reviewing, and Improving,” involves us in a routine of continuous improvement that advances our sanctification and relational competence. Rather than dismissing this concept as a Pelegan self-effort scheme, I believe it is the natural way we develop any skill and is perfectly legitimate to understand how we work out our salvation with fear and trembling. God is at work in us as we cooperate with His design patterns, including the way He has made us to learn and grow. It’s no use trusting God for a crop if you won’t plant the seeds.

What Works?

But what does it mean to review our successes and failures? It simply means to assess how well we have handled life and what the overall quality of our relationships is like. Has our management of circumstances, responsibilities, and resources been effective in producing good? Have our relationships been strengthened and is our communion with others deepening? If so, what worked? If not, why not? We are trying to determine which attitudes, behaviors, and actions are more likely to stimulate maturity and increase relational blessing.

Look Ahead

The whole reason for doing an evaluation is to enable us to improve our behavior in the next round of circumstances and contact with others. The focus is preparation for the future, not to wallow in regrets. We only look at the past in order to be informed for the future. If you have ever driven a car you know that the important thing to look at is the view through the windshield, not the image in the rear view mirror. The rear view mirror serves a limited purpose, but the real show is ahead of us. That’s why the windshield is big and the rear view mirror is small. Our attention is to be forward looking and evaluation is useful only to the degree that it assists us for what is to come.

LBNT

A helpful method for doing a review is to ask ourselves after an event, encounter, or time period (like the end of the day) what we liked best about it and what we could do better next time. I learned a acronym from a business seminar that captures this method: LBNT – Liked Best, Next Time. Listing what we liked best about what happened helps us to take encouragement in the things that were good and reinforces the behaviors that produced them. It also opens our mind to God’s goodness and strengthens our faith. Itemizing what we would like to do differently next time keeps our focus forward and gives us insight how to adjust our behavior for the next go around.

Evaluating our past need not become an exercise in beating ourselves up or a referendum on our value. To err is human and so is learning from our errors. Healthy introspection can be the path toward more happiness and a better relationship with God and others, in other words, a path of “salvation,” which is what biblical salvation ultimately aims for.

Years ago there was a lot of talk about Total Quality Management (TQM), a management philosophy that aims to create an environment of continuous improvement. I have found the essential idea of TQM to be helpful in thinking about personal growth, and in particular, the development of relationships. While the basic concept is simple, it’s surprising that Christians often don’t view their own sanctification and maturity in such terms.

The idea is to see things as a cycle. As we go about the business of living and interacting with people, we should regularly reflect on our successes and failures, looking at both the surface and root causes of problems we faced, and then seek ways to calibrate our behaviors in order to increase the likelihood that our next round will be better. In other words: Do, Review, and Improve. I suggest that this is one way to work out our salvation in fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12).

On the one hand this seems like a rather obvious process we should be involved in, and yet I find that some either think of it as simply human effort and natural thinking (and therefore not spiritual) or as an undesirable thing to do because it might reveal our weakness and possibly threaten our identity in Christ. It’s as if we are supposed to treat our spiritual and relational growth in a completely different way than we handle every other skill and ability we seek to develop. When it comes to the things that matter most (our relationship with God and others) we’re not supposed to think intelligently about how to make progress. That’s just crazy.

We need to see that God’s grace includes the guidance to courageously examine ourselves and evaluate how we’re doing on a regular basis in order to work out the bugs that hinder our personal growth and prevent our relationships from becoming deeper and stronger. As His beloved children, we need not worry what we’ll find. Nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. Self-examination is a normal and natural activity that doesn’t threaten our sonship, but enables us to cooperate with God in obtaining what we really want – warmth in our relationship with Him and others.

Chastity has historically been considered a virtue in almost every segment of Christianity. It has sometimes been, however, the only test of holiness for some Christians, while today there are a great number who hardly see it as necessary. I want to explore why it is a virtue and yet show that it is superficial to make it the sum of all righteousness.

Definitions
Firstly, let’s consider some definitions. Virtue is generally defined as moral excellence. It is righteous behavior and godly character. Chastity, as I mean it here, is sexual behavior that conforms to Christian values. It is sexual faithfulness in marriage and sexual abstinence outside marriage. Chastity as a virtue, therefore, says that sexual activity conforming to the Christian vision of humanity is a moral good. But why is it a moral good? The answer to this question solves the problem of ignoring it as a virtue as well as having a myopic obsession with it as a moral litmus test.

Morality – How we treat people
The biblical understanding of righteousness and sin is always from a relational perspective. In other words, right and wrong have to do with how we treat people. Righteousness is behavior that respects and honors people, whereas sin is a violation of relationship. Morality isn’t about some abstract code written on a tablet in heaven, but is simply the reasonable requirement of how to conduct oneself toward others.

What matters most in this world is people. In fact, things only have meaning in relationship to persons. Morality, therefore, has to do with the welfare of people. Behavior that diminishes a person’s humanity is wrong. Behavior that respects and contributes to a person’s worth is right. Chastity is a virtue because it respects the person and contributes to their welfare.

Intimacy = Vulnerability = Responsibility
Sexual union is about as intimate as you can get with another person. The more intimate we are with someone, the greater obligation we have to them since intimacy is vulnerability. The more vulnerable you are to me, the greater power I have to jeopardize your welfare, and so the greater moral responsibility I have toward you.

Intimacy is probably the most fulfilling experience a human can have because with it you are partaking of the greatest treasure in this world – the soul and essence of another person. Like Wesley says in the movie The Princess Bride, “This is true love – you think this happens every day?” Intimacy is the grand prize that everybody wants. But something so valuable must have an equally great cost, and that cost is commitment.

Solemn Gift, Solemn Commitment
Chastity basically acknowledges that if you’re going to entrust me with your soul, the most valuable thing possible in this life, I must be willing to commit to you in an equally valuable way. That’s called marriage. If I won’t bind myself with the most solemn of commitments when entrusted with the most solemn of things, then I necessarily cheapen what’s shared. And to cheapen a person is immoral.

Chastity is preserving the value of people. It’s saying that you can’t be treated lightly, that you are more important than a cheap thrill, and if I want to draw irrevocably close to you, I must irrevocably care for you. This affirms both your value and mine, and thus, chastity is a virtue.

Conclusion
Sex has been divorced from its meaning and has either been treated too lightly or been focused on in a way that eclipses the real story behind it. Sexual sharing isn’t simply about biological impulses and taking your clothes off. It’s an act of soul sharing that allows people to commune in a profound way. Sex matters because people matter. Making sure that people matter is what virtue is all about. Chastity ensures that the most sacred thing a person has, their very self, is treated in a most sacred way.

Two analogies that have helped me to better understand personal growth are airline flights and software development. The first analogy I learned from Stephen Covey. The second I gleaned from my work as a software engineer. Rather than think of growth in dichotomous terms (pass or fail) it is more helpful, and true to life, to see it as course adjustments and bug fixes.

Correcting the Deviations
In his excellent “Seven Habits” material Covey discusses maturity and how to view failure. He explains that a plane is often off course from its destination due to wind and other factors. It arrives at the intended goal, however, because the pilot is constantly making course adjustments.

The significant point in this analogy is that the plane almost never is headed in a perfect direction, but that there is consistent attention given to correcting the deviations. The goal (destination) serves as a beacon to enable the plane to properly navigate the vicissitudes of the flight.

Iterate Towards Perfection
Software is developed through a process known as beta testing. Unfinished versions of the software are released to a group of testers prior to bringing the final program to market. The hope is that the testers will find problems in the software before it is released to the public. The software has to be put through numerous scenarios to really see if it works properly.

Even after software is turned into a final product and sold to the public there will inevitably be updates that fix bugs that surfaced as the masses start to use the software. A larger audience means more opportunities to work the software in ways the engineers couldn’t anticipate. Software is so complex that iteration is the only way to perfect it.

Humility is the Key
These analogies help me to see that human growth requires a process. We learn mostly through trial and error and so failure (error) is an integral part of the journey. Wrong doesn’t necessarily mean bad. If we have a dichotomous view, however, all shortcomings are seen as fundamental flaws and failure as tragic.

Life is much more complex than software and learning to be a loving person is quite difficult. Iteration is needed (i.e., living life and relating to people) to shake out habits of heart, mind, and action that will ultimately get us to our destination. We’re going to make a lot of mistakes along the way. They key is to be humble enough to make course corrections (and apologies) when needed and to learn from our errors.

Having this view of maturity and growth is helpful and productive. A pass/fail approach to growth doesn’t comport with reality and will actually hinder us from reaching our destination – to become kingdom citizens who reflect the love of God.

Why Christian community is essential to following Christ:

“But what we value in a culture is the inside view – the view of the participants, whose emotions, attachments and goals are all clarified by their immersion in a shared way of life, and the web of rituals and images that has been woven into it. This inside view can be taught, but only by a process of acculturation, in which the one culture is put across as ‘ours’. Acculturation is valuable as the precursor to the ‘we’ attitude – the thing that makes it possible to look on yourself as one among many, with a destiny that is shared.” Roger Scruton, The Uses of Pessimism: And the Danger of False Hope

As a young boy, when Jesus was found by His parents in the temple He said that He had to be about His Father’s business (Luke 2:49, literally: “in the things of My Father”). Jesus had a vocation and that vocation was doing the work of His Father. A vocation is a person’s calling in life, their unique service while on earth. Jesus devoted Himself to accomplishing the Father’s business and He passed that calling onto us as Christians (John 20:21). But, what is the Father’s business? What is a Christian’s vocation?

Put simply, every Christian’s vocation is to further the Kingdom of God. This was the essence of Jesus’ work (Mark 1:15) and it is the essence of our work. To further the Kingdom of God is to cooperate with God to extend His rule and reign, which ultimately means bringing His goodness to the world. God is sovereign, but because He has chosen to limit His sovereignty by man’s freedom, we live in a world that has an actual potential for love, but also unfortunately, suffering. The Father’s business is to do whatever we can to see the potential for love reached while reducing the possibility of suffering. Specifically, that means extending truth, hope, and love.

“Truth works and lies don’t.” That’s a little aphorism I coined to help bring home the idea that cooperating with reality is the only way to flourish in life. Indeed, the truth shall set us free. In God we live and move and have our being. All reality comes from Him, therefore, the closer one is to truth, the closer they are to God. Extending truth is encouraging knowledge and behavior that reflects reality, for example, rejecting hurtful misbeliefs, having a modest view of oneself, treating people respectfully, learning as much as we can about the world, and being honest. Satan is the father of lies, and his defeat entails shining the light of truth whenever we can.

Extending hope is proclaiming in word and deed the fact that God writes the last chapter. He is good enough for everyone of us and He promises a bright future. There are a lot of dark clouds in this life and suffering is the way of man, but it doesn’t end there. We have a Friend who sticks closer than a brother and One who is preparing a place for us. There is every reason to have hope because there is a God. Optimists are realists. Evil doesn’t have the last say. How we talk to our neighbors, how we raise our children, how we think about our problems, and how we plan our future can all be shaped by this hope, which furthers the Kingdom of God.

Lastly, furthering the Kingdom of God speaks of love conquering all. Love is the delightful dance of community. When we treasure and bow before each other, we find fulfillment that’s at the heart of God. As Trinity, God has His being in communion. Giving and receiving in mutual appreciation is the drama of literature and history and is universally recognized as the point of all our living. Extending love is to treasure people, resolve conflicts well, sacrifice for others, and encourage the wonder of oneness. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35).

While Jesus had a unique mission, we share the same general vocation, that is, furthering the Kingdom of God. This vocation, expressed by extending truth, hope, and love is targeted toward ourselves, our neighbors, and our world. In a future post I’ll give some practical ways to carry this out.