Reflections on being a new dad

I just became a dad 9 months ago. I started fatherhood a bit later in life. I am 37 years old and have been married for over 8 years. My wife and I recently completed the adoption of our son and have embarked upon a new chapter in life. As I look back on what my expectations, fears, and trepidations about fatherhood were I am amazed at the stark contrast to the reality of being a dad.

For one thing, I am not a little baby kind of guy. I did not grow up thinking having a family was the direction I was going to go. I didn’t give it much thought but when I did I was fairly sure that raising a child would be a bit of a headache best left alone.

As my wife and I contemplated having a child I became very clear what my expectations were. Work, work, work, and more work. Yes, having a child would be noble, inspiring, and a way to give back and to love another person in a way that friendships aren’t able. I could see from a rather heady perspective the ‘rightness’ of fatherhood.

The reality of fatherhood isn’t too far from what I expected. I haven’t gone fishing once since my son was born. I haven’t gone kayaking. We haven’t had a dinner party. I get far less sleep, have far less money. I have never been so concerned for someone else’s health. I was right; being a dad is a lot of work and expensive.

On the other hand the work is not a drudgery, nor is there any sense of loss for those things that I had time to do before. My son is an absolute joy to see every morning. I look forward to seeing his face when I come home from work. I anticipate the weekends when I can be more involved in his entire day. I am grateful to get to know him to be a part of his new life. Being a part means changing poopy diapers, playing with little plastic drooled on toys, making bottles, folding countless little cloths, making stupid faces to get him to laugh, and taking him for walks.

I have my son’s picture taped to my visor on my work truck; I never taped a picture of my kayak or my fishing rod. Every little thing he learns is fantastic. I am convinced he is a genius. The mold was broken with the advent of my son. He is an inspiration. I don’t mind working for someone I love. A little work never hurt anyone anyways!

Music and Life

We have been learning that making music is similar to living well. Two years ago we began a music program in our community. Now we enjoy beautiful violin and cello music from a wide age and ability range. The process of learning, playing together and sharing music has challenged and blessed us in many unexpected ways. One of our main focuses has been playing together as an ensemble

 When I practice on my own and occasionally perform solos, it is easy to get a skewed sense of my own musical reality. The pitch may sound fine to my own ears, the tone and tempo quite right and the difficult passage handled. Yet, when I play with others I hear my pitch needs to be adjusted a bit and that passage with the difficult rhythm I thought I had conquered, well, it isn’t quite right. When I play with others I often have to make adjustments I didn’t think I needed. Playing with other people seems to require listening and change.

Life is quite similar. I often think I am doing fine, following good disciplines, and being responsible.  I feel good about my relationship with God and my friends. Then I go to work, I interact, and I try to “make music” in my relationships. Oh, I didn’t realize I was out of pitch. Oh, right, that is a quarter note rest there. Yes, I had a harder time following the conductor than I thought I would.

Fortunately, we really enjoy learning, making and sharing our music together. Sometimes we sound downright awful and we laugh and joke about it. Other times we play so beautifully together it is exquisite it transcends anything we could possibly do individually. The students and I are seeing that life, as with music, requires listening and adjusting to make something beautiful together. This is normal for making music and normal for “making music” together.