“A Christian worldview should remind us of our multifaceted dependence on God’s goodness, which should foster humility within us. Thus, humility is an important indicator of whether we are progressing toward conformity with God’s story. The same could be said of becoming more loving toward God and others or living a life characterized by gratitude toward God. Both not only provide a partial answer to our first question - ‘What should we expect from a Christian worldview?’ - they also address the second question - ‘What are the indicators that we are growing toward the ideal, represented by God’s story?’” Steve Wilkens and Mark L. Sanford, Hidden Worldviews: Eight Cultural Stories That Shape Our Lives
What makes relationships work? Whatever it is, it has to be one of the most important things to know because the meaningful and important things in our lives have to do with relationships. For what shall it profit a man if he shall gain the whole world and lose his relationships – especially those key relationships like family and friends. Fortunately, the answer is quite simple: honesty and commitment.
Relationships are built on trust and trust demands honesty. Honesty seems to be the essential virtue in the parable of the sower and the seeds (Luke 8:15). When we are the same person on the outside as we are on the inside we invite people to trust us. This kind of honest integrity makes people feel safe and allows them to truly know us, to truly have communion with us. If on the other hand you play your cards close to the vest, showing me only a poker face, how in the world can I entrust myself to you, and why would I? I don’t want to be manipulated. I want to be loved.
Relationships, and life in general, are full of ups and downs. We are going to disappoint each other and life is going to be hard. I need to know you’ll be there for me even if I fail. And you need to know that I’ve “thrown away the key” and will stick with you through the thick and thin. Commitment is what allows us to build our relationship on a solid, immovable foundation. It enables us to relax and be ourselves and weather the changes because there’s something unchangeable that holds us together. If I know you’ll be there tomorrow, I can be myself today. If I know your friendship won’t change tomorrow, I can endure the changes of today.
Good relationships are what everybody wants. Close relationships are what everybody needs. We can have them if we want, but we must choose honesty and commitment. We must say true and stay true. Relationships, like everything else in this universe, follow a set of rules. If we practice honesty and commitment our relationships will blossom like the seed yielding a hundredfold. And that’s worth the world if you ask me.
“…we frequently say that we do not have enough time for something. In reality, these statements are rarely true. If we are honest, ‘not enough time’ can almost always be translated as, ‘I did not do that because it was not a high priority.’ Someone committed to an individualistic worldview will find time for different things than we would see on a New Ager’s schedule. Similarly, the highest ethical loyalties of a nationalist will vary significantly from those of a committed Christian.” Steve Wilkens, Hidden Worldviews: Eight Cultural Stories That Shape Our Lives
This time of year we gather around the Thanksgiving table with family. Fall colors, generous portions of pie, football games, and a golden brown turkey are all on the menu. The warmth of hearth and home fill our hearts during this special family holiday. If only the actual members of our families were as pleasant and cozy as this idyllic image. Brothers we exchanged harsh words with, uncles without manners, controlling mothers and alienated daughters sit around this family table. We love family, it’s people we have a hard time with. Why is this so painfully true? Because people are not idyllic, they’re real.
What makes relationships worth having is the fact that we can’t control them. We are thrilled when someone freely chooses to love us because we know they didn’t have to. But if they are free to choose us they are also free to reject us. Human will is so mysterious, so independent, and so free that it has the power to baffle and frighten. So, is the goal of a loving family culture possible? Yes it is, if we strive to become the kind of person who is capable of communion.
We can start by learning how to have conflict. Since people are real they will be different. That difference is what leads to conflict. It’s natural, it’s normal, and it’s not necessarily bad. When two people dance they have to adjust themselves to each other’s movements. If one partner imposes his will on the other, the dance becomes stiff, ugly, and toes are stepped on. When a couple dances gracefully, however, they may tread on each other’s toes, but they continually learn how to become more fluid in their movements, together striving to solve the missteps. They don’t fight each other.
When people have conflict they tend see themselves on opposite sides of a line of battle. They lob arguments, emotions, and strong words in hopes of winning. But we’re not at war with our family and friends. We’re on their side. Rather, like a dance, we should see ourselves in a circle, looking at the problem together, not like a war, seeing ourselves on either side of a battle line. The win is when both of us change and we learn to gracefully step in unison.
Conflict is normal because we’re different. Our love and friendship compel us to tackle this problem together as partners not enemies. When we do, the warmth and joy it brings is truly something for which to be thankful.
I’ve enjoyed reading Joel Green’s Body, Soul, and Human Life. While I can’t say I fully understand or agree with everything I’ve read, it has been very helpful in connecting the dots of several concepts, particularly, how we are to think about ourselves. Green makes the case that we shouldn’t see ourselves in a Cartesian way (i.e. René Descartes of “I think, therefore I am” fame), meaning that our true self is mind or spirit quite apart from our bodies. Rather, Green says that human identity is threefold: physicality, relationality, and narrativity. This has important implications for community, which I’d like to explore briefly.
Physicality
Our bodies are not something we have but part of who we are. The Scriptures talk about bodily resurrection, not a disembodied spiritual existence, so even in the after life, the body will matter. What does this mean for us? Among other things, it means that what I do with my body is important. It means my gender matters and is part of who I am. It means that this life and creation are good, to be cared for and treasured, and not to be seen as alien and sinful. It means that caring for people’s physical needs cannot be separated from caring for their “spiritual needs.” As Green says, “Angst among Christians in recent decades over how to prioritize ministries of ‘evangelism’ and ’social witness’ is simply wrongheaded, therefore, since the gospel, the ‘evangel’ of ‘evangelism’ cannot but concern itself with human need in all its aspects.”
Relationality
Individualism is the plague of our time and is fully at play in the Church. Cartesian thinking makes us believe that our identity, our true self, is a personal possession of an inner reality. It’s me and Jesus and all I need is some good instruction to be a better me. The truth is that we are a inextricably part of a web of relationships. We are part of a community and our identity is tied into that network of people. Green points out that our brains are actually shaped by our relationships, so in a very tangible sense, our relationships shape who we are. There are no loners, and to try to be one is to fight against reality. This is why cherishing, developing, and enjoying our relationships must be our prime task in life. Quoting Green, “…we are shaped in our character and limited in our choices by the company we keep.”
Narrativity
The stories by which we make sense of our lives play a part in forming who we are. Our life is less like the running of a machine and more like the performance of a drama. Our history matters. Our direction matters. We need to know, like Jesus, where we come from and where we’re going (John 13:3-4). Our story and the overarching story we identify with sculpts us profoundly. Narrative disrupting experiences, like divorce, hurt us because whole chapters of our lives become off-limits. We can’t escape our history (so true especially today in a Facebook world). This is a further reason to continue in our relationships and work through difficulties. Additionally, we need to actively recall and rehearse the overarching narrative of God that we are a part of. Liturgy, regular scripture reading, and flowing in the rhythm of the Christian calendar are ways to do this.
This understanding of our nature impacts and supports the vision of Christian community. We are not marbles in a bucket, but cells in a body. Green would say, “…who we are, our personhood, is inextricably bound up in our physicality, and so is inextricably tied to the cosmos God has created, and in the sum of our life experiences and relationships.” Christian community fits well in this view of humanity.
“For 1 Peter, then, human life is life on the potter’s wheel, so to speak - being shaped one way or the other, by the ancestral ways expressed in taken-for-granted social conventions, or by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit and the formative influence of the people of God. Humans act out of their formation, so the primary questions must be, Formed according to what pattern? Formed within what community?” Joel B. Green Body, Soul, and Human Life
“Like those who live with life-long disease, humans easily adjust their lives to account for their maladies. The human family can scarcely imagine what the freedom to chose God’s ‘good’ would be, so much has humanity adapted itself to estrangement and alienation.” Joel B. Green, Body, Soul, and Human Life
As Christians we are not delivered from God’s judgment. Because of the kindness and mercy of our God our judgment is transformed to discipline. Sin is unthinkably destructive. Because it causes suffering it can’t be ignored or flippantly passed over. It will not do to just receive a clean bill of health when the cancer still lives, eating away life moment by moment. The cancer has to go.
“…on the cross Jesus bears God’s judgment on sin in order not that sinners should not be judged (condemned), but that they should endure judgment in a different form, as discipline. The point is indicated in Barth’s observation that Jesus’ bearing of God’s judgment for us does not mean that we are not judged ourselves…Christ, we might say, bears anticipatorily the eschatological judgment of death – he goes to hell – in order that those who trust in God through him should be able to bear the judgment that cleanses rather than annihilates.”
God works on us and disciplines us to form us into people who reflect His love. He forgives and heals us. This is, at times, a painful but happy process whereby we change to become people who can be good friends to others and faithful followers of our loving Master.
Entries RSS