In my last post, I discussed Larry Crabb’s vision of the Church as a community in which it is safe to be human. 

This is one of the characteristics of “spiritual community” that Dr. Crabb sketches out in his book The Safest Place on Earth.  The other hallmark of this community is the way in which conflict is handled in relationships. 

Conflict will occur in human relationships.  It is inevitable among broken human beings that are following their own selfish agendas.  Paul warns us of the result if this egotism remains unchecked in his letter to the Galatians. (see Galatians 5:14 & 15) Conflict will also come about simply because we are unique individuals and have different ways of seeing and understanding life.  Like Dr. Crabb said, “Conflict is latent in every human relationship at every moment. It simply awaits a trigger to get it going.” (pg. 40)

The problem is not that conflict exists. Rather, the problem is our attitude regarding conflict.  In unspiritual community conflict is avoided, and consequently the life giving power of truth is suppressed in our relationships.

Dr. Crabb lists some of the ways avoiding conflict is practiced unspiritual community. We may “hide conflict behind congeniality”, or we will focus the energy of conflict “into cooperation on worthy projects where ugly drives become commendable zeal.” Others of us will “sooth the pain  we feel because of conflict, using consolation.” If the conflict is of  a severe nature we  may use counseling.  Lastly, there are those of us who will “let conforming pressures try to contain our ugliness within renewed efforts to do better.” (pp. 40-41)  In other words, we will do everything but honestly work through conflict in a way that is mutually satisfying to all involved.  When we give in to the  afore mentioned methods of avoidance, our relationships will lack intimacy and true mutuality.

In spiritual community, conflict is seen as a chance to experience a greater intimacy and sharing in our relationships.  The manifestation of conflict is our call that we now have an opportunity to trust God in a new way, and at the same time see something new about ourselves and one another.  Often what we see we will not like as our brokenness and ungodly passions are brought into the light.  If we faithfully refuse to hide in the ways Dr. Crabb mentioned, the conflict now becomes a conduit of God’s healing grace into our broken humanity.

What Christian community is and should look like has been the subject of countless blogs, books, small group discussions and sermons.   As a member of a fellowship living in intentional Christian community, I have often found the input from the wider conversation on community beneficial for the growth and development of our group. 

One book that I have found to be particularly helpful is Larry Crabb’s The Safest Place on Earth.  In his book, Larry presents a vision of the church as a safe community wherein we are able to own our brokenness. In doing so, we will provide the safety others need to own their brokenness also.  If this is not our experience he observes, “Community will be a competitive, demanding place where we feel the pressure to demonstrate that God has done more work in our lives than He has.” He goes on to say that also, “We might put a pseudo-brokenness on display and seize every opportunity to reveal our emotional struggles, demanding,…that others see our pain and take care of us (pg.37).”   Larry concludes that if we are not able to own our brokenness, we become a community that is unable to reflect the giving life of the Trinity because we are too caught up with either hiding or parading our problems.  This is one key difference between what he calls spiritual community and unspiritual community.

When I have attempted to hide or parade my problems,  my relationships became either distant or strained.  The pressure to be perfect, or the demand that others feel my pain and comfort me, carry the seeds of destruction for any mutual relationship.  On the other hand, embracing my humanity (brokenness) has proved to be the springboard to authenticity and intimacy in my relationships. Living in the light of who I really am before God and my fellow man is the ground from which trust, and mutual sharing thrives.

Larry makes a second important distinction between spiritual and unspiritual community, and that is in the way conflict is handled.  More on that in another post.